That's intense
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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