too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
