I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
