Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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