Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
