Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
