Don't EVER smell your tampon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
