the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
