i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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