God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
