Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
