these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
