I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
