I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
