just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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