Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
