god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
