just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
