dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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