I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
