The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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