If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
