it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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