is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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