this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
