i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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