my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize