wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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