"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
