i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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