I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize