oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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