btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize