I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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