You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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