i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize