my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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