he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
