Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
