Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
