just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
