and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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