Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
