Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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