Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
