if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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