Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
