Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
