I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
