So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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