My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
