He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
