i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
