We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Come on in and take your pants off
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