Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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