His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
