He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
