I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
