so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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