As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
