Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
