I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
