Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
