I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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