at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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