Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize