I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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