doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
