Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
