Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
