so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
