Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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