Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
