is your mom at the bar?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
