pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
