lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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