census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
