Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
