the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
