I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
