I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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