i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize