His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
