when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
