just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
